Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hmmm...THAT wasn't EXACTLY what I had in mind when I'd imagined George Clooney in handcuffs! (LOL!) ♥

   Well, it's easy to tell I'm married. It's Friday night and I'm at home updating my facebook status...

   you know you're getting old when you're nuts are now referred to as "yams"

   spring is just around the corner, the bums are migrating back up north.

   ahhh..st. patricks day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!

   facebook, where a bathroom shot of a duckface is considered 'hot'

   anyone else think Lucky Charms is just Cheerios with marshmallows?

   it's officially ok to fkk in the car cause it's March Madness, it's a holiday

   doc says i'm low on iron. yet, i'm feeling tired beyond my wildest dream... kind of ironic, no?

   used to hate red lights before text messaging was invented.

   The best thing about Facebook is that someone can disappear as quickly as they appeared!

   Think maybe its time to diet, I just had to cut my hula hoop off

   After all the upsets today. Cathy from the mailroom is gonna win a $hitload of money off her "Bracket thingy" this year..

   cant decide whether midgets look at St Patricks day as a "payday" or a "dammit! I have to hide in my little house" kinda day.

   went to the track today..I never knew only mexicans can sweep up losing tickets...hmmmmm

   Hired a midget to dress in green and sit on my keg, aint America great?

   By the end of the night...what can you say?......Happy Paint Satricks Day...Ossifer!

   if I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was right, I could get it changed into pennies & swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck

   Most woman's G-Spots are located about two inches inside your wallet.

   What does a burnt pizza, frozen beer, and pregnant girl have in common? In each situation there was an idiot who didn't take it out in time.