Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with copious amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that's the best medicine.

   Thinking about getting the new iPad 23 that comes out today, but might hold off to next Friday and get the iPad 24.

   Domino's is spending a lot of money to tell us that little pieces of bread with cheese on them is the greatest idea they've ever had.

   If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I'm gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.

   My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.

   Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it's a two-star hotel.

   8.Excuse me, miss, you've got a little bit of face on your makeup there...

   Poured down rain last night...I think instead of a fish fry sandwich today, I am going to have worm stew...that counts, right?

   Countries should have to declare thumb war before declaring actual war

   Even though it will mean the loss of 1-2 inches in height, some of you should seriously consider the Ped Egg..

   Checking friendship to see if this person ever wished me a happy birthday. No. Screw them.

   "K?” Get back to me when you learn the rest of the alphabet.

   I am not saying I hate you or anything but if you were ever badly hurt and I had the only phone to call you an ambulance I would order pizza delivery first.

   I was violently beating this guy with a club when I realized, "I can find a better weapon than this stupid poker card"

   Won the yearly food fight today.. No one was matched for me and my canned peas.

   I GOT ALL KINDS OF B1TCHES!!! German shepards, chihuahuas, dobermans, poodles...

   Marijuana is the gateway drug to a very large value meal.

   Mosquitoes are just vampire flies.

   I'm waiting for Joseph Kony to make a YouTube video advocating against jerking off in public.

   The legend goes that St. Danica Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland.....must be hard to put all the tiny seat belts on all the snakes.