Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while your ahead"?!

   I proposed to myself at a restaurant last night and not a single person clapped... heartless b@stards!

   I didnt take care of something this morning...now its prarie dog season!

   Drop and iphone on the floor: break the screen. Drop an old Nokia on the floor: break the floor

   I bet pyromaniacs were jonesing pretty bad before that first caveman figured out how to make fire.

   Countries should have to declare thumb war before declaring actual war.

   I wish I had a Strategic Beer Reserve to tap into.

   I'm going to get "Poor Decision Maker" tattooed on my face.

   23% of households today have a "new" roll of toilette paper sitting on the empty roll.

   Dude don't tell me what's off limits!,It's not like I got your sister pregnant!!

   Dogs are tough. I've been interrogating my mutt for hours and she still won't tell me who's a good girl..

   Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.

   Found someone's soft contact lens in my car. Let me know if you lost one. It might also be a raisin.

   Ke$ha looks like she leaves tampons in for dangerous stretches of time.

   Glad to know that Google & Bing are the surrogate parents of this generation & can answer all the uncomfortable questions

   Glad to see Walmart is holding it's March Madness sale...too bad it's on teeth & everyone is down to their final four.

   would much rather check my facebook than face my checkbook

   I feel like a grownup when I take out the trash instead of smooshing it down.

   gets annoyed now when I have to tell a story...duh, I know you saw my status about it already.

   My child has the flu and wants a hug. No dice, kid.