Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   People say, "You have to work on a marriage." No thank you. I already have a job.

   Sometimes Karma takes way too long. I would rather beat the crap out of you NOW!

   I just bumped into my sexy neighbour. She said, "Hows the little one,

   Not sure if FB will exist when I die, but if it does, please don't write on my wall after that, it will re- kill me if I can't answer all of your posts, and even worse, if I can't delete some of them.

   I'm one boob, you're the other boob and together...we're Breast friends.

   <----Thinks it adds more stress going to a Spa and paying $ 160 an hour for Swedish !

   There's a difference between being funny and being annoying.

   "Luke, I'm like totally your father. Party on." ~~Garth Vader

   You're fat because you have a slow metabolism and a fast appetite!!!

   Condoms are cheaper than diapers, remember that:)

   Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out

   Raisin Cookies that look like Chocolate Chip Cookies is the reason why I have trust issues

   if I want to commit suicide , all I would do is jump from your 'EGO' to your ' IQ Level'.

   I want you to know something but I dont want to tell you so I'll let the first three words of this sentence

   Hand Sanitizer: Helping us discover paper cuts we never knew we had

   Just saw an ad on my homepage that read, "Like Writing About Beards? Search For Careers Now!" - because if there's one thing we're really lacking right now, it's freelance beard writers.

   you know....I like my men like my Rum: Gone in the morning....

   Teeth are always in style!

   Don't confuse your path with your destination. Just because it's stormy now doesn't mean you aren't headed for sunshine.

   Words don't have the power to hurt you...unless.. the person saying them means a lot to you.