Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Last time I was upset, my dog brought me all of his toys and laid on my head.

   Sometimes I wish I was like my calendar, it always has dates.

   Happy March 14, Steak and BJ day. Thanks Tom Birdsey!!!

   I have no idea, buy I'm craving Pi like crazy today!

   The key to staying relevant? Don't die.

   Encyclopaedia Britanica is going out of print after 244 yrs & I know that for a fact cos I read it on the Internet.

   I was gonna make a gay joke, butt fcuk it.

   ...If you look at LIFE like a piano - where the white keys represent happiness & the black keys represent sadness.. As life goes on, you realize the black keys make the music too...(",)

   feeling a little under the weather...I wonder if there is anything on TV tomorrow if I have to miss work

   if you are texting from your apple device.... just so you know when you hit send it's routed to a sweatshop in China, then retyped and sent out again.

   I am fat because of those stupid starving kids in China.

   Just because you don't like him, doesn't mean he's gay.

   Occasionally I look up from my iPhone and have no idea where I'm at.

   Fwd: Me being on top of your newsfeed all the time is like me being on top of the world. Yeah I said that. :)

   It's not that I need to manage my anger, it's that other people need to manage their stupidity.

   You know you're married when you find her sexier with clothes on.

   I'm fine" -All pissed off girls

   Whenever my EX shows up in my Facebook feed, I think "I am so glad you're the one that got away."

   Don't you hate it when you call someone for ransom and they are rude and hang up on you? Dude, you just made me waste this quarter on this pay phone.

   In our "family" NCAA Final Four Challenge, my 9 year old has won the last 2 years. Is it wrong that I just copied her bracket right after she went to bed?