Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.

   Whenever someone tells me I should be ashamed of myself, I'm like "Got it covered, bro!"

   When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That'd be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.

   Facebook is neat because it provides a platform for me to connect with old friends, make new ones, and figure out which one's are completely insane.

   You can drown in two inches of water. I'm not reciting facts, I'm making suggestions.

   Fair is fair but sometimes unfair is still kinda fair comparatively.

   Person just said they can't wait for technology to beamed them cross country instead of flying. I see it now Error 404 "Passenger Not Found"

   I didn't know the name of the curly-mustachioed head shop proprietor, but that didn't make him a "stranger." And so, I accepted his candy.

   Eat sugar Smacks,My piss smells like Sugar Smacks.Yes today will be a good day!

   I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.

   2013. The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section to the comedy section.

   Rearrange the letters to spell an important part of the human body that is most useful when erect: PNESI [A. spine]

   I'm ambidextrous; I can drink and make love equally well with either my left or right hand.

   I didn't text you. Vodka texted you.

   When in doubt, put some booze in it.

   You can only say, “WTF?” so many times a day, until you just decide to start drinking.

   Regardless of what they say, Romance is NOT dead. It's just playing dead. Kiss someone's lips to resuscitate it.

   Did anyone ever find out who let the dogs out?

   I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work.

   Bodies always understand each other, even when the souls do not.