Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There's "hell" in hello and there's "good" in goodbye. I don't know what that means, but think about it.

   I'm going to change my name to 'Benefits' Now when you add me on Facebook it will say "You are now friends with benefits."

   Surprise sex is the best sex. Unless you're in prison.

   I'm hungry. Fridge: I don't give a s#it. Cabinet: Bi$ch, don't look at me. Freezer: LOL. You like ice?

   May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.

   I bet when Snooki's water breaks, it's gonna smell like someone smashed a bottle of Axe Body Spray on the ground.

   Petrol prices are about $2 a litre and Ladies still think guys are coming over to just "CHILL"...

   Fun fact: If you say 'Bloody Maury' into the mirror three times, you WILL be the father

   The most significant change brought about in the 2ist century is the decline of photographers and photography studios. They've both been replaced.... By camera phones and bathrooms.

   Beware of women who have had enough BS and no longer care about the consequences of their actions!

   Trying to find my happy place again... but.... I may not find it, 'cause guys don't ask for directions.

   Well, Jimmy Crack corn..... and you guessed it.

   farting in a plastic bag and selling it to kids

   If you're a polygamist married to several women and dont have a wedding ring that says, "One ring to rule them all." You're just wasting everybody's time.

   I just checked. There are no restraining orders against you. There's no reason you can't attend church!!!!

   How do you know you're allergic to cats if you've never even tasted one?

   Fat people just want to get into your pantries.

   Please touch this. ~MC Hammer, 2012

   A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes

   Sadly, I don't think everyone ever wang-chunged on any night.