Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   RANDOM FACT: Having eye contact for more than 6 seconds without looking away or blinking reveals a desire for either sex or murder.

   I went to a library & asked for a book about small pen!ses. The library said "I'm not sure if it's in yet" "Yup, that's the one" I replied

   I remember when the M in MTV stood for Music not Maternity.

   Yo guys. Ever see a really good looking pregnant woman, and think of how good the sex must have been?

   Remember when you'd be driving along and see a smashed cassette tape by the side of the road with the tape stretched out forever, flying on the breeze of every passing car? I miss those days.

   I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.

   It's okay to laugh during sex, just don't point.

   Some call it 'bitching'... I like to call it 'mood'ivational speaking...

   It took me 10 miles of driving and almost running a grandma off the road before I figured out how to change the clock in the car with 1 hand today. I felt victorious and did a fist pump.

   You know you're an ugly chick when you slip Rohypnol in your own drink and hope for the best.

   There's now a Taco Bell taco with a shell made out of Doritos?,, Hmmm, It seems that our junk foods have started hunting each other.

   depending on which clock I look at in my house, i'm either really early, or really late...

   ♫So I'm shaving all my love.....Yeah I'm shaving all my lovin'...Yes I'm shaving all my love for you ♫

   Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.

   I leave homework till the last minute, because I'll be older and therefore wiser!

   I guess if you spoke your mind you wouldn't have much to say....

   I'm never buying video games from Mexican websites again. Super Mario Van Peebles is the worst game I've ever played.

   my Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.

   Forty percent of sports fans leave games with alcohol in their blood, according to the dumbest study ever conducted.

   what starts with F and ends with UCK? Yes you're right, it's FIRETRUCK :)