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Desperate Housewives is on my TV.... I am DESPERATE trying to find the remote to turn this crap off!! 
..is (-_(-_(-_(*-_-)_-)_-) (>^_^)>...All eyes on you! (",)
When you stop looking thru the distorted mirror held up for you in this world- it provides a measure of clarity which is refreshing! But the downside is you actually see how; distasteful, counterfeit, society is currently... objectively determined values
may reflect economic consequences in relation to constraints placed upon us..! (",)
With Daylight Savings in effect but on a leap year, isn't this only Sunday? #ThingsMyCoffeeMakerTalksToMeAbout
You'll never meet anyone who's quietly in training for a charity run
I can tell when someone is lying just by the simple fact that they begin asking a question by saying "Quick question".
Remember when we were kids and we were in such a rush to grow up and become adults? Boy, was that stupid.
My advice to Charlie Brown or any kid who wants more friends; don't tell people your dog is a WWI flying ace
When people tell you things "as your friend", that means they hate you and want to destroy you.
as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chair!!!
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
I'm so tired, I just spent 5 minutes trying to figure out how to vote for Ron Paul on the self-checkout machine at the grocery store.
I think I invented some new kama sutra moves trying to reach the remote without getting up.
There's got to be an easier way to get vodka into a Capri Sun.
Virginity can be cured.
When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... I don't remember what I chose. - Andy Rooney
i just spelled a word so incorrectly that spell check just enrolled me back into school
People just dont get practical jokes any more, prank calls, super glue on the toilet, the electic toaster in the bath... Sigh
They say lethal injection causes no pain. How do they know?
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