Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   This girl I'm going out with tonight must be rich because she has one of those expensive cars that she can start just by blowing into a tube.

   "Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer

   Does anyone know how much water I'm supposed to add to this baby powder to make an infant?

   Beware of TV. It has the power to turn things like storage, parking and cupcakes into wars.

   I bet all the other glues are really jealous of Super Glue.

   I say: Ron Jeremy for President..."You're gonna get screwed anyway, might as well get screwed by a pro.

   My girlfriend said bringing toys into the bedroom would spice up our sex lives... So I double fisted her with a set of Hulk Hands.

   Coors Light Iced Tea? Really??? C.L.I.T.?

   I found the iPad 3 announcement especially disappointing because I'm still standing in line for my iPad 2.

   I don't have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.

   The weather lady on channel 6 says she expects to get a few inches tonight..!

   just broke his taint. With no insurance. Worse Day Ever!!!!

   By the time you are old enough to go out and drink on your birthday... People stop putting money in your birthday cards so that you can actually afford to go out!

   Wow Justin Bieber still well and alive... Only in US and God Bless America! In most of countries, guys like him don't get to make it to sweet 16...

   Today's secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.

   To all the people claiming how much better the android is then the iPhone id like to see you ask your android "where da hoes at!?" and get a response like "there are 3 amount of strip clubs near by.

   I tried it & it worked! It gived me your mothers address

   excuse my french but when a hot girl tells me "voulez vous coucher avec moi" I turn very "gay"!

   The ONLY reason I haven't unfriended you yet is because you have huge boobs and I have a feeling that I would miss seeing them.

   You're so old your idea of going out on a Friday night is taking a walk to the outhouse.