Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Life is like a dry handjob. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's enjoyable, most of the time it's hard, but mostly your just happy it keeps going.

   Lol ......Prescription drugs are killing everybody not street drugs wake up people

   нαρρу ωσмєиѕ ∂αу тσ υѕ gяσωи вєαυтιfυℓ ωσмєи!!! :D ♡

   I think I've got Bieber Fever. Wait, wait, no, it's Ebola. What a relief!

   Newt Gingrich wins Georgia. To be fair, it was a pie-eating contest.

   Helping my oldest with History homework is a blast.....Underground railroad??? honey we call that a "Subway"

   Meteorologists said that the sun's unusual solar flare activity would have no impact on us...yet I have experienced an unusually high number of erections today!......coincidence?...i think Not!!!!

   resting his pimphand

   I'm gon' do it, gon' do it Gon' do it, do it, do it

   The ABC's to a good marriage: Air conditioning, Beer, Could you shut up for a Damn minute so I can Enjoy my Good High quality Imported Jeggermiester and Kill L33t Moronic Noob Opponents Playing Quick call of duty Rounds.

   I think some people just shouldn't be allowed reproduce because of their IQ level.

   I think some people just shouldn't be allowed to reproduce because of their IQ level.

   I think I'm gonna like "The Lorax" because it's the only movie that I can say... "I already read the book"

   So you watch a 30 minute video and think you're an activist now??? Ha

   I just finished the last of the Girl Scout Thin Mints I've been hoarding. Child labor laws, schmabor laws. Those kids bake a damn good cookie.

   I was abducted and anal probed by aliens. Their names were Jose and Ricardo. I'm going to the police.

   Houston we are ready for lunch -Hilarious NASA launch technician that everyone hates

   Iron Chef would be a cooler show if the secret theme ingredient were always Cool Ranch Doritos.

   Survivor would be a cooler show if only one contestant remained alive at the end of the season and that was the prize.

   Just got some Justin Bieber underwear ..the front says you cry and the back says I cry..!!