Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Loves how my niece thinks "scratching my back" is a "game"

   been making the same mistakes for so long that I've taken to just calling them "my traditions!"

   You can always tell how healthy someone's diet is, by how TERRIBLE their farts smell

   "It's been a long day!" ummm unless you live on another planet, our days have been the same for awhile now.

   Her: Changed Relationship status to Single.......Him:"LIKE".......Her: Keep dreaming buddy!!

   Proving other people wrong with your success is pretty selfish. Proving everyone else right by failing miserably shows you've got class

   February was $5 footlong month and black history month. Who is the evil genius behind that?

   Money is not the root of all evil. It is the root of all KINDS of evil.

   I am the world's foremost authority on my own opinions.

   Heard Snooki's supposedly pregnant. Guess we'll know for sure when her vodka breaks.

   Apparenty drawing a moustache on a coma patient, does not lighten the mood of their relatives

   Note to self- Sneezing with diarrhea,not good.......not good at all

   I guess that extra day of black history month was to much for some monkees

   money is not the root of all evil. The LOVE OF MONEY is the root of all evil. Big difference.

   Men and women are obviously different. Men have trouble expressing their needs. On the other hand, women will express their needs, every fricking need for every fricking minute for every fricking day!

   My wife dropped her purse and now my balls hurt.

   I just saw what looked like a menstruating raccoon "Planking" while a crow scratched her back,,,, How cute!! I should take a picture..

   Good news! Now that Snooki is knocked up, we'll all get to see what a pregnant meatball looks like.

   Some of these girls posting "I'm ugly", "fml", "hmu" should just change their status to, “demands attention”. #GEToverYOURSELF

   Religion and morality don't need each other to exist.