Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hope Floyd Mayweather wins the best actor Oscar for his portrayal of a boxer wanting to fight Manny Pacquiao.

   I love a woman in heels. But please don't wear a bunch of Bangles too. You just sound like an angry Samurai chasing me on a horse.

   On a scale from 1 to Adele, how tough was your breakup?

   I've never had a problem with drugs. But I've had problems with the police because of drugs.

   The first time a man sees a woman naked is like a child seeing a present on Christmas morning.

   Sleeping with someone for the first time is like the new girl in the office making your coffee for the first time.You're never sure if they're going to do it like you like it

   All old ladies will answer to the name "Bev." Try it out if you don't believe me.

   Thanks to the 96 years of sun bathing grandma doesn't need a leather jacket to ride on the motorcycle with me.

   My room isn't dirty, I just have everything on display like a museum.

   Shoutout 2 all the dark skinned girls with the cheetah print tattoo that looks like a 2nd degree burn.

   In other news, we don't give a damn Dave!

   Hold up Biatch (┌'-')┌︻╦̵̵͇̿̿̿̿╤── \(‾- ‾\) where is my mutha fucckin sauce for my Mc. Nuggets!

   Today's the 5th anniversary of my joining Facebook . Also the 5th anniversary of the last time I spoke to my family or read a book..

   Right about now, Billy Crystal is waking up totally nude in a huge champagne glass somewhere.

   If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.

   If 40 is the new 20, does that mean 20 is the new 10, and if so, do I need to delete these photos off my phone?

   B: "I'm so mad at you." Me: "Why? I've only been awake 15 seconds." B: "A girl in my dream was flirting with you!" Me: "I'm sorry that a fictional girl flirted with me. Was she blonde? I like blondes." B: "You should give up talking for lent."

   So Chris Brown is starting a new US tour. First he's going to hit Savannah, then Charlotte and then Madison. And then and only after he's hit all three will he start touring

   In light of the higher gas prices, the rapper "Fifty-Cent" will now be known as 1/16th of a Gallon. That is all...

   In light of inflation....... the rapper "Fifty-Cent" has now changed his name to "Buck Fifty"