Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Do you think the other planets are mean and make Jupiter cry by calling him fat?

   for all those who answer "how's it goin?" with .."can't complain"...please review your FB status's

   saw some mexicans beatin some white guy with sticks in tge street. I yelled, hey, ...hey..thats a man, not a pinata..

   anyone else have like a thous.. FB friends and post somethin hilarious and get like 2 ppl like it...discouraging, ungrateful b@stards

   I used to be a bull fighter, but gave it up because the bulls refused to listen to the referee when he told them to keep it clean and obey his commands at all times

   Future old age homes are gonna love the nipple rings . so handy to lift them up and change the sheets

   Removing access to contraceptives in order to discourage premarital sex is like removing seatbelts to encourage safer driving habits.

   whenever I want to stop an aggressive salesman, I just interrupt his spiel and ask, "Yes, but does it work on cats?"

   just opened my chinese take out box and a cat jumped out, I guess the airholes should've tipped me off.

   getting a tat of your kids faces is a great idea, as you get saggy and wrinkly it creates a free age progression for them

   Family Rule: Always give the first pancake to the person you dislike the most in your household.

   Your face isn't a coloring book. Chill on the makeup!!

   called your boyfriend gay, and he marked up my car with lipstick.

   My Dr, told me you are what you eat. I need to eat a skinny person.

   Ladies: You know by saying you want a man who is good in bed implies that you are also good in bed right??

   If a resturant describes any off its food items as "Our world famous....", it isn't.

   Yes I would like to receive special offers via e-mail. That way I can forward them to my friends and piss them off.

   Fact: You can burn up to 10 calories a minutes while having sex... Related: Looking for a workout partner.

   Am I the only one that finds it ironic that only one company is allowed to make the game Monopoly...

   going to celebrate President's day by chopping down a cherry tree to make Lincoln Logs.