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i guess the "forever lazy" suit is appropriately named since it looks like you were too lazy to care youre in public in your pajamas 
My dentist just said I'm getting a crown! I must have been a *super* good patient today.
If she asks you to be in an open relationship, tell her to walk out that open door. She's a slut.
hardcore pawn...more like, when animals attack
Sometimes when I see ugly people at the gym I think, "What's the point? You can't workout the face."
hey kids, come on and put your tin foil hats on so you wont get wet in this electrical storm
The book "Women For Dummies" would have a picture of my Ex on it.
in my world...staple guns = curtain rods
i like to keep a bag of hair in my car, it distracts them from the drug search
Recent studies suggest that balding people have cooler heads, opposite socks still fit, and red crayons break easier then blue ones... (@_@)
The Beach Boys reunited at the Grammys. They're headed out on tour for their 50th anniversary. Now when they sing about surfing, they mean surfing the Internet for discounted prostate medication.
if you're still waiting for your chocolate....you're dating a cheap a-hole.
There was an Amber Alert the other day. I thought it meant that the stores were out of beer.
If you fart while you're peeing on your significant other, it's called a golden thunderstorm.
i'd be willin to bet not one of those swamp people EVER thought they'd have their own show
hardcore pawn jus hired an ape whisperer, things should be looking up
Having trouble getting onto your horse? Simply ride up beside it on your giraffe and then jump down.
if the storage wars guyz priced hoarders stuff....well...helloooo mr rockefeller..cha ching
Today marks Valentine's Day of Silence…..it is for women who did not receive flowers, chocolates, cards etc....on Valentine….
Nice try Folgers... but the best part of waking up is realizing it is your day off and going back to bed.
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