Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's Valentine's day. Tell us about how lonely you are, we all care so much!

   You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   My inflate a date wasnt so bad....I didnt have to cuddle.

   nothing says "I put absolutely no thought into this" than a dozen roses on Valentine's Day.

   Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons

   February 15th. The Black Friday for Chocoholics.

   Yesterday for valentine's day I got six numbers, one more and I'd have a complete phone number... Maybe next year.

   Get ready for a repeat of Michael Jackson's case ... Investigators are trying to go after the doctors who wrote Whitney Houston's prescriptions....

   Welp ladies valentines day is over. Time for the men to go back to being a-holes again.

   Congrats Whitney!! 3 days sober!!

   Whenever one office door closes, 50 browser windows open

   I can't see an end, I have no control and I don't think there's any escape, I don't even have a home anymore...Definitely time for a new keyboard.

   I wish folks would stop these Passive Aggressive attempts at trying to guilt us into advancing their religious, social, or political causes by ending the posts with, "Let's see how many of my true friends will post this." PI$$ OFF!

   This traffic cop obviously has not heard that 60 is the new 30...

   Shakira attacked by a Sea Lion.. early reports show that it could attack again whenever, wherever

   Since when does "I'm wanking" sound like "come in"

   it bad that everytime I see a blind person and their dog I want to honk like I'm about to hit them and see what they do?

   My boss just said can you come in my office. It turns out we meant different things

   Even if you try and slip it in, they still know it's coming