Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   got myself a McPitBull today...now I can see if mcfoods or mcpets are more dangerous

   tough crowd..well thats all for today, drive safe, I'll be here all week

   won't be able to spend Valentine's Day with the love of his life who keeps him warm, cosy and protected!!! I'm sorry bed but I'll be cheating on you with that b^tçh mistress of mine I call work.

   all warm in my snuggie, well its really my bathrobe on backwards, but wtf

   at starbucks in my 'forever lazy' , starting to feel a little self conscious, people in line keep peeking in my ass flap, next time I'm wearing underwear

   "Macho Man" Randy Savage died at 58. Whitney Houston at 48. Corey Haim at 38. Heath Ledger at 28. How old is Justin Bieber again?

   What's 6 inches and won't get sucked this Valentines Day? Whitney's crack pipe.

   with the mood I'm in, if I tell you "Have a good nights sleep and I hope it's a long one"...you'll know what I mean by it!

   I need some attention today. Can't decide if I should go with the, "why does this always happen to me" status, or a line from an Adele song.

   my phone battery dies faster than a slut in a horror movie

   I still can't believe that Whitney Houston died. Where were you on that one, Kevin Costner?

   It's quite ironic. Whitney used to do commercials for Pepsi, then spend all the money she made on Coke

   Adele swept at the Grammys. Not to be confused with Vanilla Ice, who swept after the Grammys because that's his job at the Staples Center.

   Just seen on CNN that Godzilla throwed up all over the philippines

   so its valentines day.. does that mean I am suppose to have a heart on?

   The most impressive thing about Beyonce and Jay-Z as parents, is how dedicated they are to giving Blue Ivy® a normal life.

   Really tired of homeless people tweeting photos of the garbage they're about to eat.

   I didn't think my hangover was that bad until I spent 10 minutes logging into my nephew's Etch-a-sketch

   Amputees may take risks, but they never go out on a limb.

   I wish all gingers would just dye.