Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Think I have cabin fever. Just broke out in shingles and little windows

   I think if I needed to create a successful television program, my target audience would be people with eyes.

   Maybe we didn't even WANT to touch it, M.C. Hammer. Ever think about that, you egomaniac?

   When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.

   What's black, lies on the floor, "Will Always Love You" and has white stuff around it's nose? A border collie.

   Valentines Eve: AKA Desperation to get a Date DaY

   Dusting off the old VHS sex tape my wife and I made. We watch it every Valentines and cry.

   imagine asking the incredible hulk to open a pickle jar?

   If you know I'm I the car and you continue to text me, you basically want me dead...

   I have decided this Valentines I am going to get prostitutes off the streets .... For an hour or so ..

   It was so cold this morning that I saw a girl with a flannel nose ring

   Oh, I'm so sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

   I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it

   Other than Whitney Houston...all the dates are wrong. Jackson was 50, JFK was 46 and Winehouse was 27..to make a joke..get the facts right..becomes funnier..Little thing called Google

   Why is Chris Brown's nickname Breezy? Shouldn't it be 'Bruisey' instead?

   I wish personal ads could be honest, like 'Toxic seeks Self-Loathing.'

   You should see the places I've been on my stationary bike

   I think its so cheesey when people get all mushy & lovey dovey with their facebook status... on another note~ my boyfriend is the best, he is cute, sweet, sexy, handsome, makes me laugh, has the sexiest voice, makes me smile everyday

   finally gave in and let my boyfriend shave me down there....my toes look soooo much better

   i whistle alot jus because it makes my lips look like a bunghole