Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear friends, I could make a chemistry joke... but all the good ones argon.

   Trying to decide: Laundry tonight or naked tommorow.

   If I download a movie in Jamaica, am I a pirate of the Caribbean?

   My neighbor has been stealing my WI-FI network. I'm going to change the password to "I screwed your wife".

   The best thing about Valentine's day being over next week will be no more Vermont teddy bear commercials.

   seems to care less about trees when I'm drying my hands in a public bathroom.

   alone with the kids for the weekend. I have 18 hours of Pixar movies and a squirt gun full of high-fructose corn syrup. Should be fine.

   a new report found that Facebook greatly reduces people's attention thingys whatever

   Why can't the world come to Peace rather than Pieces?

   Valentine's Day weekend the G/F said she wanted to go somewhere expensive...So I took her to the Gas Station! ;)

   You make me feel dead inside ... Happy Valentine's Day

   MTV has gone from Music Television to Maternity Television..

   I just saw a lady carrying a "Forever 21 bag should have been carrying one that says "49 and Still Clubbin.

   (Whitney) Houston, we have a problem.

   My grandfather recently beat my grandmother to death... Not in a physical way... he just died first.

   Men go through 3 stages in life: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs.

   Whitney Houston dead. Kevin Costner unavailable for comment.

   Do not forget kids "crack is cheap , crack is whack". Rip Whitney.

   What does Whitney Houston and Madonna and me have in common ... All of us didn't sing at the Super Bowl this year .

   apparently there is a limit to how long you can wait to exhale ♥ rip whitney houston