Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   To the dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.

   Real Knick fans don't wear Jordans.

   To the dude who flipped me off in the Starbucks parking lot for honking at him, before taking off like a maniac… You left your breakfast and coffee on top of your car…

   I will die one day at a Del Taco, shot dead by a SWAT team after taking several hostages over what I feel is the meaning of EXTRA cheese.

   Self Deprecating Humor: making jokes about yourself for a laugh. Self Deficating Humor: pooping your pants just for a laugh.

   I'm not saying the 8th Annual #PuppyBowl was rigged...I just think someone was getting a little squeaky toy on the side.

   do me a favor if anyone sees that groundhog today PLEASE shoot that little s*** !!!!!

   had a Black Out last night .........she was a very lovely girl so I asked her out again for next weekend

   I don't celebrate valentines day.

   Always watch your step on an escalator. I once tripped and fell down the stairs for an hour and a half

   I found a new family, will give my family two weeks notice today.

   Heard Don Cornelius(Soul Trian) commited suicide right after watching the Justin Beirber movie.

   Fellaz: Tell her she's ‘beautiful' instead of ‘hot'. She's a woman, not a temperature.

   Sometimes when I close my eyes I can't see.

   I'm pretty sure when you sweat, it's just your fat crying.

   men who fish in another man's pond, catch crabs!

   Posts like "Bad boys ain't no good, good boys ain't no fun. Me and Mr Wrong get along so good, Even though he breaks my heart so bad ♥"....Is exactly why us men only really want sex from women.

   Teacher: so what would you prefer to be, a doctor? A lawyer? A pilot? Student: Asleep!

   Watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Perverted Mind" Ooops, I guess that is Spotless Mind.... Wonder where I got that Perverted from?????

   I've dedicated my life to gettin prostitutes off the streets .... For an hour or so usually ..