Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Relationships are like TATTOOS. They LOOK better than they FEEL.

   Alcohol: The Leading cause of rug burns on your forehead.

   Sweet as heaven, hot as hell, born to tease, taught to please!

   Just because I missed you, doesn't mean I wished you were there!

   I swallowed a quarter once on a bet. And you thought fumbling through your pockets for loose change at the checkout was a pain in the ass...

   The bearded lady, the guy with all the body piercings, the dude with 14 toes, the geek biting the chickens head off... Yep, I'm in WalMart.

   You had better look like your profile picture or your buying me drinks till you do!

   I'm so hungry that my stomach stopped growling. Now its just whimpering.

   Yeah, I thought I loved you too... but then I realized I just needed to fart.

   I just started using the new Timeline on Facebook. Maybe I can trace my life back to when I actually gave a sh!t.

   Patience is not a virtue! Its a gift. I'm not gifted!

   Said to herself "Self", and I knew it was me cause I recongized my own voice & was wearing my underwear "you should really make me another rum & coke"!

   uuuggg one of these days I would like to wake up independantly wealthy so I can go back to bed!

   Sorry Toby Keith. If they ever come out with a "Mossy Oak" design, your song about the "red" Solo cup is screwed!!!

   for every "I give a duck face" a girl puts on facebook, a guy on the opposite side of the screen gives an "I don't give a f°çk face"!

   Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid ... I really thought you already knew!

   if an actor in a heat of the moment scene has to say "I will cut your freaking balls off" and the Director shouts "Cut!" what the hell does the actor do?!?

   If I said something to offend you .. tell me... I may want to use it again:)

   I Like my Job on my day's off, I LOVE my job on paydays!

   I never said I knew what what I was doing, I said I was going to do it anyways!