Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Yawning is the body's way of saying '10% Battery Remaining'.

   Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."

   "Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying." - The Joker

   I just drank a manly Dr. Pepper 10 and now my balls are too big to fit in my pants.

   Instead of knowing what the #1 song was when you were born it would be cool if it could tell you what the #1 song will be when you die. That way when you start hearing it on the radio, you'll know that the end is near.

   Joe Paterno has died....Now Penn State students can riot again and break more $hit.

   The best thing about Africa is that you never get Facebook updates about what people are eating.

   How exactly is carrying a screaming two year old different from playing the bagpipes?

   RIP Joe Paterno - his glasses will be donated to science and studied to see if they allow you to see anything!!!

   if you get caught cheating run...

   rip joe paterno - his glasses will be donated to science and studied to see if they allow you to see anything!!

   "What do you mean the Broncos played last week?" -God

   I hate when people don't watch where I'm going when I'm walking and texting.

   Joe Paterno's doctors also said they wish they could have done more.

   According to WebMC, I be illin'.

   I call bullsh!t on these retro bottles of Coca-Cola. They make you add your own cocaine.

   A heads up to girls on Facebook .. if your status says "single" and your profile picture is you with your cat - Well then that is why

   If you emphasize the po in police they're probably already after you.

   Around here we commonly refer to our intellectual property as 'our sh!t'.

   "They're meh." --Tony the Tiger, off his Paxil for a few days