Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm going to admit myself into the Hokey-Pokey Institute and turn my life around.

   Roses are red Violets are blue Porn hub is downYour mums Facebook will do..

   I spend so much time with the Internet that it could be considered online dating.

   too much TV this morning and now I can't decide whether I want to rescue a dog for $19 a month or save a child for $15 a month...WTF

   It would be easier to keep my New Year's resolution to accept and forgive people if they'd stop being the same jacka$$es they were last year.

   What food decreases a women's sex drive faster than anything else? Wedding cake

   Went over to my hippie neighbor's house and asked for a pot holder, and he came out with a sandwich bag. Note to self: New best friend

   watcing the Canadian Curling Championships on ESPH-EH.

   Kids don't like meatloaf…but add some candles kids love meat cake….

   Anybody ever notice Mr. Crabs and Popeye have the same laugh?

   Im not fat at all, I just enjoy washing dishes in my belly button

   If you don't cut your hair with a Flowbee, you are probably too high maintenance for me.

   On the bright side...Aaron Rodgers can now do all the comercials he wants

   Just when I thought there was hope for humanity, I walked into Walmart. We're all doomed.

   Hey Green Bay I bet your having a lot of W(H)INE with your cheese tonight.

   Rather than waste money going to strip clubs I can save it by just staying here on Facebook and watch some sluts' profile pics.

   cant have an openly religious football player in the NFL, that would be bad. it needs more accused murderers, rapists and morons who shoot themselves in the leg.

   a good driver discount, a good student discount. what about a watching an anoying lizard in a stupid comercial discount?

   What makes you laugh... might surely make someone else laugh. And with laughter... comes smiles... and with smiles... comes happiness! It can be that simple!

   I hope my CEO doesn't come here as the Undercover Boss cause I'd be like, "Ahh, don't worry about that mess. It'll be there tomorrow... BREAK TIME!"