Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If I seem disinterested it's only because I'm a terrible actor.

   We now live in a culture where ppl choose their insurance providers based on who has the most comedic TV commercials.

   If a mentally challenged kid is late for class, is it ok to call him tardy

   feeling more lazy than the fuy who invented the japanese flag

   Someone stole my wife identity and her credit score went up. Even they couldn't spend that much.

   Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government

   What if birds are just out of control napkins.

   Worked out for an hour. Ate two brownies. Somehow I am able to justify this because its Friday...

   I never banng a blakc chikk, not 'cause I'm rasis it's just that I'm more of a "run my fingers through her hair" kinda guy.

   We now live in a time where people choose their insurance providers based on who's TV commercial is funnier

   No, it's not OK to call him "tardy", but if he does it again it's OK to call him a "re-tard".

   I bought a bag of air that contained some chips

   The only thing more stressful than a blind date is meeting a new drug dealer for the first time.

   Why do people complain about how broke/poor they are sitting at the bar drinking beer and smoking cigarettes?

   wondering if I'll still be able to get funny updates for my facebook on Jan.18th once the SOPA bill takes effect. Wait, will I even have a Facebook??!?

   "Dude she has a bf" " Yeah so? Soccer has a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score"

   I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.

   4000 women in Scotland may have breast implants with silicone intended for mattresses. Imagine. Boobs with memory foam and sleep numbers.

   Happy Beer the 13th

   go out tonight and sow your wild oats, then wake up tomorrow and pray like hell for crop failure.