Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why do fellas use a condom on a chick the first time or two, but then just start going raw thereafter like STDs have a trial period?

   I have some bad news and a Justin Bierber CD. Which one would you like to hear first ?

   When someone talks to you and that little drop of spit shoots out there mouth and onto u. you all play it off.. but inside ur like (°°) wtf!

   You know.. Ive lost so many guy friends by askin a simple question.." Do you have twitter?"

   i have all the right answers ...you just ask the wrong questions

   Dear Toilet seat cover, when I'm done and start to get up, please let go of my ass cheek, Sincerely Every Man, Woman and child.

   MTV has proven that the recent rise in teenage pregnancy has reallyyyyy changed the definition of a MILF

   Laughter is the best medicine. But laugh for no reason and you need medicine.

   Here's a good way to find out if your mission on earth is complete: if your alive, it isn't.

   Narnia is a bad movie for gays...it asks you to remain in the closet for the best adventures and fun

   A gynaecologist is the only fool on earth who looks for problems in a place where others find pleasure.

   Red Cross called and asked if I could donate to the Huntsville, Alabama floods. I told them that I would, but my garden hose only reaches to the end of my driveway....

   I tried letting a smile be my umbrella, but you can't whack people with a smile!

   Independent women throw your hands in the air!!!! Whooooooo! Ok now put your hands down and go do some dishes.

   I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.......

   Christmas...-What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of your sock?

   Roses Are Red Violets Are Red Trees Are Red Fuck my gardens on fire!

   The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn't enough motivation to get off the couch.

   Eventually gravity lowers every woman's standards.

   You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn't stolen.