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The Korean version of "Marley and Me" was probably a lot shorter... 
not been to his Farmville in so long I just found out it was paved and turned into a parking lot...
A relationship should be between (^__^) & (^__^) NOT (^__^) & (^__^) + (-_(-_(-_-)_-)_-) + FACEBOOK
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I love finding money in my clothes…..its like a gift from me.. to me.
Angry birds are nothing compared to angry beavers. Those teeth hurt!
Anyone know how to get blood stains out of carpet? Totally unrelated, but I also am looking for a new girlfriend.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what's your plan?
WINTER DRIVING TIP: Wait until your vechicle has slipped off the road instead of Texting while driving.
this is just a temporary status...until I think of something better
Nothing like falling in love with a sociopath to make you question your judgement.
predicting to go another year without love... as long as I have apple juice I'm good though.
Charles Barkley's head looks like an Angry Bird.
Drank so much over the weekend that I'm giving a new meaning to "Shooting Craps."
Whatever's wrong with me, it's a pleasure.
I could post the funniest status ever and I'll still get at least one dislike. Hi hater!
Maybe, just maybe, the guy that was in charge of designing the Mayan calendar just died when he got to December 2012 and nobody else felt like continuing it because they were like, "why the hell were we planning that far ahead anyway?".
YOU JUST PROVED IT! ADVERTISING DOES WORK! THIS SPACE FOR RENT AT AFFORDABLE PRICES!
I am super tired... well its regular tired except I have a cape... okay just a blanket and one hell of an imagination
I look forward to the day I get to complain to my grandkids about how when I was growing up we didn't have 3D porn.
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