Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Did anyone ever tell those kids how to get to sesame street?

   playing a fun drinking game. Every time somebody says "you can't drink alcohol in the office" I have to down a shot.

   glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by both men as well as women.

   To all my friends with short attention spans,

   that money can't buy you happiness, but it sure can buy you beers to drink in the shower.

   I Can Only Play The Hand [♠][♥][♦][♣] That GOD Has Delt Me -

   It's so nice having my family around for the holidays. It really makes me appreciate their absence the rest of the year.

   So this book said to be a lesbian I need to lick carpet. For the last hour I have been laying on my floor licking my carpet and I feel no different.

   I wonder what Rebecca Black thinks of Samoa skipping out on Friday?.......

   'One Direction's Zayn Malik vows to ditch the fags' - I didn't know he was planning on starting a solo career.

   I have a life outside Facebook...but I have forgotten the password for it.

   I'd be 100 % more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.

   I wonder how long I'd be on hold if my call wasn't important to them..

   LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy, and it's fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.

   You know it's time to do laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

   HIM: “You look like a Barbie!” HER: “Thanks. You mean tall, slim and beautiful right?” HIM: “Hell no! I mean plastic and without a brain.”

   When watching the DIY network your remote should automatically not allow you to change the channel or volume. So now you have to get up and......

   Whoever invented Copy & Paste should have been awarded a Nobel Prize.

   Divorcees: Because one man's trash is another man's booty.

   Giving people the benefit of the doubt is usually just a polite way of temporarily overlooking their stupidity.