Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Everybody wants to be in a relationship... But no one wants to give up their single ways so they end up cheating.

   Why do we only crave what's bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I'd kill for some salad"

   Ladies: If a guy is willing to risk his manhood by entering one of those girly shops just to buy you a present, marry him right away.

   I've never had personalized license plates, but don't worry, I still know how to waste most of my discretionary income.

   All these girls who are always loitering on Facebook obviously have useless boyfriends who are not doing their job properly otherwise you shouldn't have the energy or time to log on Facebook.

   The real reason men buy women drinks is to remind them that we make more money yearly than they do.

   Anyone know how to open a washing machine door from the inside?

   They should create an app that makes your cellphone go "ahhhhhh" when you plug it in.

   I'm sorry but I dont understand some wh!te people...They are the only type of people I see in 20 degree weather wearing sock and sandels with shorts on acting like its f*ckin summertime..

   My ex told me "You don't take our relationship seriously anymore its over." "Finish your sentence, over." I giggled into my pretend walkie talkie.

   They should make a app for the IPhone that yells "Code Blue Stat" when the battery is weak.

   next year I'm wrapping all of our Christmas presents in bubble wrap....it will be like two gifts in one!!!!

   My New Year's Resolution For 2012: I Vow Only To DRINK ON THE DAYS That Ends With The Letter "Y" (-̮•̃)

   What is it with all Highways across America where once grown men get on there.. they are immediately obsessed with sticking their finger up their nose to their 2nd Knuckle ?

   i may be drunk, but you're ugly, and I can sober up.. when I feel like it

   Nothing aggravates me more than to hear a career politician say, "I am not a career politician."

   I toss and turn until 5 minutes before the alarm, then I drift peacefully off to sl--*beep*beep*beep*beep*!

   1. Vodka is made from potatoes. 2. Potatoes are vegetables. 3. Vegetables are good for you. 4. You're welcome!

   1. Vodka is made from potatoes. 2. Potatoes are vegetables. 3. Vegetables are good for you. 4. You're welcome!

   twighlight did to vampires what brokeback mountain did to cowboys