Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Stop lookin at what you ain't got and start being thankful for what you do got

   Just because I liked your status, doesn't mean I actually read it. More to make you feel like someone actually cares about what you have to say.

   It's interesting how people claim to love/like their jobs, but ready to go home as soon as they get in the door.

   Free advice: Never attempt to shave a beaver when its got a hold of your log.

   When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.

   they say money can't buy you happiness but it can buy you a sh!t load of bacon and thats pretty damn close

   listening to Neil Diamond Christmas music...Man when he sings I feel like he is getting ready to really kick someones a$$

   Teenage: have time & energy but no money Working age: have money & energy but no time Old age: have time & money but no energy! ~

   I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can moonwalk?

   Years from now, when our kids asks what's Myspace..."come sit on grandpa's lap and let me tell you about the good ol' computer days.... Once upon a time there was Myspace started by Tom, and then there wasn't. THE END".

   Kids 50yrs from now........."Grandpa sure tells long stories about AOL, CDs, and Myspace"

   Do you remember your parents telling you when you were bad, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!" Those were the good ole' days

   I would like to give a big shout out to all the pissed off kids who only get one set of presents a year because their birthday is too close to Christmas.

   The only people mad at you for speaking the TRUTH are the ones living a LIE.

   I love the phrase "we're expecting" when talking about pregnancy, because it makes it sound like there's more than one outcome - "Yeah, we're expecting a baby.......... but it could very well be a Tyrannosaurus Rex"

   We blame society, but we are society..

   The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children.

   So is it the 3rd or 4th refill of water into the nearly empty liquid soap bottle that makes you ghetto?

   PICK UP LINE: Listen, I'm wasted, but the condom in my pocket doesn't have to be.

   Why do fat girls put their pictures sideways and upside down? You are still fat at every angle.