Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   enjoys long, romantic walks to my fridge!

   Every trip to Wal-Mart results in me seeing an equal number of people I THOUGHT were dead and I WISH were dead.

   Starting next summer, I will be offering FREE GRASS CLIPPINGS to anyone who wants them. Great for compost or mulch, available weekly. You cut, you rake.

   Mini skirts don't work on maxi butts.

   I hate when I'm sitting on bleachers and Half my nutsack falls asleep!WTF

   SWEPT the room with a glance...That's my idea of housework!

   Just remember, while you're lying to, disrespecting and making your girl cry, there's a man out there waiting to hold her, dry her tears and treat her right...

   The brawl at the Mall of America says more about our country than any five history books ever could.

   The more I hear about other people's relationship drama, the happier I am that I'm single. :

   There's no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.

   Single.. because my ex was such a loser..

   There are a few people I know whose birth certificates should be considered an apology letter to the world!

   Dear Haters, ╭∩╮ º.º ╭∩╮ Sincerely, Me.

   How many people ending a Facebook conversation by liking the last comment.If so like this comment

   Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else

   The world will end in February and Hypercolor shirts are coming back HUGE, according to the Wikipedia article I just made up.

   So if I win the Mega Millions tonight, maybe I can move my name from my shirt to the front of the building at work ((fingers crossed)).

   Because of Harry Potter a whole generation of boys learned it was good to read. And to master control of one's wand.

   I cut the sleeves off my snuggie because it makes me look more badas$$. THUG LIFE.

   I hate it when I buy a hamster at the pet store, and it grows huge, becomes a rapper and steals my KIA...