Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ladies, you're running out of time to hump your way to some excellent Christmas presents from that guy you're sort of seeing right now.

   Dear Santa, Please bring world peace, a cure to cancer, fix the financial crisis............ and please find, and land your sleigh on Casey Anthony's head. That's all...

   If you choose an answer to this question at random, what is the chance that you will be correct? A) 25% B) 50% C) 60% D) 25%

   I'm hearing Fight's breaking out over new pairs of Jordan's shoe at Mall's across the country. um...there's no punchline to this, just people getting punched in line!

   My ultimate goal in life is to someday sing 800-CASH-NOW in a JD Wentworth commercial.

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!

   Kringle energy drink.:::Do all your work in one night and take the rest of the year off..!!

   roses are redish, violets are bluish, without jesus, we'd all be jewish

   Finished Christmas shopping and gift wrapping over four months ago. The puppy doesn't make as much noise as it used to.

   last year I got a sweater this year I want a moaner

   Here is my Christmas wish, I wish white people would stop making asses of themselves and refrain from saying Holllaaaa, Peeps, Guurl, Beotch, Tru Dat, Most def and every other ghetto word. You sound and look ridiculous, so please stop and you're welcome.

   I went to the garage today to unpack Christmas decorations. I found a present from last year that I had forgotten to give the kids. I was so disappointed! They would really have loved that kitten.

   I just cleaned out the fireplace so that "Santa won't get dirty". I did it for my son because I love him, even though he's delusional.

   One would think it impossible for Turkey Jerky to actually taste as revolting as it sounds. One would be wrong.

   I wish the phrase “I had my tree flocked” was as dirty as it sounds.

   What's the best age to abandon your children around the holidays so they can grow up to write decent blues music?

   Don't be disappointed if the person you love doesn't love you, because God has said "This is my world and even I couldn't make my every creation love me"

   Theres always that cart at walmart with an oval wheel. I'm all like "I wanna go look at games!" but its like "Nah b!tch, we're going to produce"

   Christmas is not about what your home looks like, it's about love and sharing.