Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Based on some of the status updates I see my friends post, I think some of them should see if there is an after Christmas return policy on relationships.

   I wasnt that drunk...... "Dude, you yelled Team Jacob to my dog!"

   wasnt that drunk...... "Dude, you congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story"

   what? sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of me not giving a f***.

   I wasnt that drunk...... "Dude, you asked me to give you a ride home & the party was at your house"

   Politicians are almost always viewed on camera from the waist up during speeches and debates because their pants are OBVIOUSLY on fire.

   Are we still saving whales? My basement is getting pretty full.

   Just saw a man using a pay phone! In his defense, he seemed to be hallucinating and thought he was fighting a puma.

   Walking with 3 people on the sidewalk, and ending up in the back behind them.

   its beginning to cost a lot like Christmas

   Cleaning the house while the kids are home is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing.

   Nothing pisses me off more than going through a Drive-Thru with someone who says they don't want anything, then they start to eat your fries

   I wrap the first few presents Martha Stewart style but towards the end they take on a drunk Helen Keller style.

   Attention!!! Christmas has been canceled this year!!! I told Santa that I had been good. He died laughing...

   Given today's gas prices, Ludacris should consider finding hoeZ in the same area code.

   If you go through life without giving a "F" then you are only living a Li[ ]e.

   Girl in new relationship: I HAVE THE GREATEST MAN EVER! HE'S WONDERFUL! A week later...after she catches him cheating: THAT NO GOOD &*(^! I'LL NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN! Next day: I HAVE THE GREATEST MAN EVER! HE'S WONDERFUL!

   Happy winter solstice, Northern Hemisphere! And happy whatever it is to you, Australia. Easter? 2009? Seriously, no clue.

   The best reply when someone texts you,"K." : Well Potassium to you too, you b@stard.

   "Polishing the Menorah" is not a euphemism for what Uncle Irv is doing in the bathroom.