Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's up to you to find the beauty in the ugliest day.

   hopes that all of you are practicing your "Oh my God, I LOVE it!" face? We're getting closer...

   You can't be rocking the same pair of jeans for 3 straight days and claim you got SAWG.

   Nothing brings 2 people together faster than the hatred of a 3rd person

   In my books, The Higher the Heels.. The Higher her Standards.

   There's always a ho or a rumour that ruins every relationship

   .it's almost time for my OBGYN appointment and I haven't even bought a doctor's coat or faked my credentials yet.

   If you use the word "Humorous" when you could say "Funny," you're just outing yourself as a douchebag.

   It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it takes no muscles to be completely expressionless all the time.

   I'm wearing “thongs” right now, but it's not what you think. I have some flip-flops in my butt.

   Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I'm getting tired of running and he's catching up to me

   You can tell a lot about a girl by her hands. For instance, if theyre placed around your throat shes probably a violent person.

   'You know what really pushes my buttons?....You People.' - Elevators

   Despite protests, my wife has yet to step down from her post as the oppressive leader of our house.

   I like big butts, but unfortunately I do lie. So really, I dont like big butts...Or do I? You'll never know.

   Probably didnt think through the whole yelling at my boss 'Youre not the boss of me, Bruce Springsteen is.'

   It's hard to get people's sympathy when your life is in shambles, mainly because the word shambles sounds so darn adorable. Shambles!

   Drawing sunglasses on the sun never really made sense to me.

   WATER - Giver of Life….Destroyer of Witches….Improver of T-Shirt contests.....

   Daughter: Dad I'm a lesbian Dad: ok it's cool 2nd daughter: I'm also a lesbian Dad: Does anyone in this family like *%#k? Son: I do!