Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hey Great Britain... we welcome you to invade the United States. Thanks....Americans are too lazy to do it themselves.

   I don't know why it's so hard for ugly people to get laid. Just get together with each other. Problem solved.

   You know it's time to lose weight when none of your towels fit.

   I am done making fun of fat people, they have enough on their plate already.

   I spend 40 hours a week in the friend zone... therefore I'm entitled to benefits!

   Most people in church right now are praying for the service to be over.

   What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons

   My girlfriend said she's sick of me 'always being RIGHT'.... So I LEFT

   Just had my first-ever bowl of porridge & the first one was, in fact, too hot.

   I'm that guy that will add you as a friend on Facebook and then not talk to you the next time I see you in real life.

   I never tip restroom attendants because they already got to listen to me poop, and you can't really put a price on that.

   if sperm tasted good, none of us would be here......

   I've noticed that the majority of girls with a Facebook username that claims they are hot, sexy, pretty, or da baddest, 99% of the time are not all that and are the complete opposite of what they claim to be.

   In my own little world, I'm kind of a BIG deal!!

   My God.....even I!M not white enough to like Michael Buble.....

   Homeless people wouldn't be half as poor if they didn't waste all of their money on sharpies and cardboard.

   December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.

   Error 404 : Honestly, our developers have yet to create that file!

   Always finish your beer. There are thirsty and sober people in Africa.

   I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by dropping my car insurance and not having car insurance.