Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Fact: Women are the leading cause of herpes. How do I know? It isn't called "HISpes" is it?

   If I am home alone, there's a 96% chance I'm naked.

   FACT: Handicapped parking spaces to handicapped drivers ratio is way too high.

   Alright brain, I don't like you and you don't like me. So just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with alcohol.

   "Dude, she just called you disorganized!" "OH HELL NO, Hold my...oh sh!t were is it!?"

   No matter how expensive the perfume a stripper wears, it will never cover up the smell of poor decision making.

   Sleeping naked is good. Waking up next to that special someone is even better

   When someone calls me a C**t... I know I've done something right

   Kids these days, Will never know what it feels like to push a VHS tape into a VCR.

   Keeping the list of naughty girls all to yourself? Well played Santa.

   Let's face it, if jizz tasted good, none of us would have been born.

   To me the song "Baby its cold outside" will always sound like an attempted abduction.

   Shout Out to the dude that's getting beat by the police cuz he took his hands off the hood of the car to Tweet about being pulled over!

   You can't change a ho, but you can exchange the ho.

   I miss the days when men dressed like men. Nowadays guys dress in jeans tighter than their girlfriends'.

   There's a wild side to every innocent face!

   when someone in a heated argument turns to me and says "You agree with me right?" What they are really asking is "Am I going to have to yell at you like this dumba$$ over here?"

   Snoop Dog carries an umbrella!!!! Fo Drizzle...

   to all my haterz...I hope you step on a lego.

   If you dont like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree...