Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Obama asking the Iranians to return the Stealth Drone was probably the biggest joke of 2011.

   Who give's a rat's a$$ if its your first time to post here! Stop trying to get some attention and post something funny already.

   I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.

   My kitty always likes to lay between my legs.

   today I was awoken at 3am by my child laughing hysterically in his sleep. All I could think of is "man I really wish I didn't watch so many horror movies cause I'm creeped out!"

   Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people's backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.

   "I bet you're told this all the time" means you are about to hear something you've never heard and it's probably going to sting a little.

   No one is more judgmental than a waitress questioning if you've saved room for dessert.

   I'll never be convinced there's not someone hiding under my bed just waiting for the chance to grab my ankle.

   I didn't know call girls charge by the hour......still have 57 minutes left, I hope she knows how to cook!

   Alarm, snooze, check Facebook...

   Just when you think uni-brow humor has reached it's peak, BOOM! Telemundo steps in and takes it to the next level.

   My girlfriend asked me if a fleshlight lights up like a flashlight because it would be a great dual purpose tool. I can't argue that.

   Fracking - because only man would want to create something so toxic it can kill rocks.

   If Jesus guides Tebow on the field, he also guides me through the buffet at Sizzler, so please achieve peace with that.

   AOL puts Sandusky news on their sports page. Molestation is physical but it's not technically a sport is it?

   I asked my Heart : Why can't I Sleep at Night? My Heart told me : Because you have already Slept in the Afternoon. Don't act like you are in Love !

   ◔◡◔ stalk mode; on.

   i feel sorry for future generation college kids.....we buy our books & can sell them back...in the future it will be a kindle download you cant sell back

   I wonder what happened and at what point a youngster decides, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a proctologist".