Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hate that I have to delete your number to keep myself from texting you.

   suing Trojan...It didn't blow my hair back!!!

   Ever think "Serial Killers Coming" when you're getting into your car and you drop your car keys?

   You're not in the club(-.(-.(-_-).-).-) well f**k you guys t(-_-t)

   I did really well when I worked at the carnival. I guessed people's temperature within 5 degrees

   If it's true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff.

   Just heard there is an Occupy North Pole protest going on. Apparently Santa did not share his wealth with the naughty group.

   Michael Jackson's doctor gets four years in jail?!?! Thats because his victim was white...

   Whipped cream in a pie tin is not a pie. Stop wasting our time, clowns.

   My office Christmas party is tonight, which means my office apology party will be tomorrow.

   Oh don't act like you never lean forward while pushing down on the gas pedal to go faster.

   My homeboy's got girl problems, so I'm at some dive bar offering bro-side assistance. That's code for whisky shots.

   wishes Santa would stop allowing bullying at the North Pole. Stop allowing the laughing at others and name calling.

   Just because i'm losing.. doesn't mean i'm lost.

   You can catch more flies with honey. Or you can eat that honey and not have to deal with expensive fly upkeep.

   Having blue teeth would be cooler than wearing a Bluetooth.

   Turns out they'll sell a wizard hat to just anybody!

   If I could live in any time period, it would have to be a mix of the 50s and the 80s and the future. So, Back to the Future Pt 2, basically.

   They discovered bed bugs can procreate with their siblings. This is not the image boost bed bugs needed.

   Christopher Hitchens the brilliant journalist, author & famed atheist has died. If he's in Heaven now I bet Jesus is looking pretty smug.