Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm going to try and say this te nicest way possible. wait I better hold my tounge when I say .... "FQ!"

   When you live in the country as I do, the term "prosecuted" translates to "shot".

   As I was watching the Lion King, I thought to myself .... So its ok for a monkey to hold a baby over a ledge, but when Micheal Jackson did it, all of a sudden there was a problem.

   It doesn't matter what it is. It's automatically cool if it Glows in the dark.

   Ladies, want to test your man's love and devotion? Need to know if your man is commited to you're relationship? Ask him to add a line on his Cell Phone account...nothing says love and commitment like a 2 year contract! ;-)

   Sam Adams is the only reason I know what season it is.

   Why is sperm white!!????? Because if it was black it wouldn't be able to swim

   Everytime I hear of someone that was attacked by a shark, I think "didn't they hear the music?"

   You know something isn't funny if you have to end it with, "lol"! ^^^

   I hate it when people are at your house and ask, “Hey do you have a bathroom?” Nooooo not at all, we all dump in the yard.

   There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego.

   Ambulances and women have a lot in common… they both make a ton of noise to let you know they are coming!

   That ackward moment when you send a specific text to the wrong person.

   Tim Tebow is the most talked about white Bronco since the O.J. chase.

   Common Sense, So rare it's kinda like a super power.

   Whoever said, "love conquers all" obviously wasn't very good with a gun.

   Why don't people throw all of their paperwork up in the air when they're frustrated, like they used to do in 80s movies? It feels great.

   I'd actually be more excited to see an image of a grilled-cheese sandwich appear on a grilled-cheese sandwich.

   I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.

   When people younger than me complain about getting old, I beat them to death with the agility of a much younger man.