Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Does P.Diddy get upset every time he goes to Wendy's and orders the Biggie fries?

   "I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies

   If you put your pinky in your ear and scratch it, it sounds like pacman...

   coulda sworn I read most of these jokes already on the android joke app:/

   If you and your gf/bf traded phones for one day, would you still be together when the day was over?

   Everyone at the North Pole knows, if you want the very best weed, you go find Blitzen.

   Mirrors can't talk. And lucky for you they can't laugh.

   "DRINKY POOS"- What a girl calls a few drinks trying to be cute. "DRINKY POOS"- What a guy has after a night of drinking.

   I am in the process of writing a new country song for someone special....... Its called "If I woulda shot you sooner, Id be outta prison by now."

   Christmas trees are like boobs. Fake ones are nice to look at, but real ones are better.

   3 grand for a jacuzzi eff that give me some beans and some bathwater and i'll make one for a dollar

   NBA = Nlggas Balling Again

   I invented a steak sauce. The ingredients; Au Jus, Shiitake Mushrooms, and Vinegar. No one will market it. They have a problem with the name. I named after the three ingredients. What's so bad about: "Au Shiit Niga!"

   "We Bought A Zoo" looks like the weakest of the Bourne movies.

   My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my a$$ tied together..... I sh!t you knot."

   I'm looking for sponsors to prove that money can't make me happy.....Please send generous donations so I can conduct my experiment! ツ

   thinking about opening a line of internet cafes on Indian Reservations. I think I will call them.. "The H T Teepee" :)

   I can ignore you so hard you will begin to doubt your own existence.

   When I grocery shop for the wife I always buy cucumbers smaller than me, just in case.

   Man found dead in chicken coop. Fowl play suspected.