Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   At least Herman Cain knows when to pull out......

   Have you ever looked at someone and just known that the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?

   Due to the coal shortage Santa will be giving Nickelback CD's to all the bad kids this year!

   Who wears the pants in the relationship? No one when it all goes well ;)

   You know ladies, us guys may not know what its like to have "that time of the month" but we sure have front row seats to it.

   Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.

   ‎"I got 99 chores and I ain't did one." - Lay Z

   You can look at some people and instantly know they're only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.

   some Females get all dressed up for school but fail all their classes.

   Your car & phone may be smart, doesn't mean you are.

   Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is your List of Naughty Girls!

   If I ever become rich and famous, I won't forget my friends. They will be a fond and nostalgic memory.

   I can't stand people who drink and wanna be all extra chatty or whiny just drink, get drunk, stfu and be happy.

   I may not be Einstein, but dumb + dumb = you

   ~• << Picture of me when I was younger.

   666: Some see it as evil, I see it as 3 six-packs!

   If you pay peanuts you get monkeys

   forecast for tonight? Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.

   "Knock, knock," "Who's there?" "To.""To who?" "To whom."

   just ate 4 fiber bars today, been on the toilet for the past hour :/