Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Bucket list item #26 Shoot at someone's feet while yelling "DANCE, VARMINT!"

   They should put mini M&M's inside regular ones and make M&M's Pregnants.

   Retweeting about a good cause is the definition of, "the least I could do."

   If you are under house arrest but live in a mobile home can you go anywhere you want?

   Just wanna do something crazy right now, like run naked through the sprinklers, or vote for Ross Perot!

   Filling out my doctors info sheet, listed my twitter followers as my emergency contacts.

   Starting to think Herman Cain only ran for President so people would find out how much he gets laid.

   Man kneeling by the bed, Wife says,"What are you praying for? " Husband says: "Guidance. " Wife says, "Pray for stiffness, I'll guide the damn thing myself!"

   Just wanna do something crazy right now, like run naked through the sprinklers, or vote for Obama!

   Today is the worst day ever! (wait for the "what's wrong?" reply. Then post "Today, I finished off the Thanksgiving leftovers".

   Anybody else go around clicking LIKE on all the hot chicks posts, no matter what stupid sh*t it is?

   From this point on I propose that Herman Cain be known as Big Daddy Cain, and that he defend himself by saying 'It's a Big Daddy Thing.'

   I've learnt one very interesting thing about money... it doesn't buy class no matter how many millions of it you have got.

   Can't contemplate how a person could be negative on something that doesn't pertain to their specific region. Like it or leave it alone. Your ignorance doesn't make it less funny.

   People disregard you when they don't want you, but they are quick to acknowledge you when they need your help.

   With American Airlines stock at 20 cents, I can't decide between paying for two checked bags or buying half the company.

   I wish there was a way to convert my skill at playing drums on the steering wheel into friends or happiness.

   One who can promise nothing is Worthless. One who can promise everything is full of sh!t.

   Herman Cain has 99 problems and apparently a b!tch is all of them.

   Think before you speak, and do not speak all that you think.