Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I didn't eat enough to feel guilty but too much to feel virtuous. I did it wrong, didn't I?

   If Black Friday involved gunplay, I would have been up hours ago. And turned one on myself.

   Native American ghosts spend Thanksgiving Day at backyard football games, tearing 40 y.o. white dudes achilles tendons.

   It's like Uncle Pete always said, it's never too early to dip your balls in the gravy. (Uncle Pete's in prison now.)

   that a drumstick in my pocket or am I just glad to see you it's a drumstick I have an eating problem oh God there's gravy in there too.

   Dear rest of the world, Piss off then. Plenty of other reading then...good day to you.

   I just saw a disclaimer that said "don't try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.

   I witnessed an "occupy best buy" last night?

   For my constipated, politically-correct readers: Happy African American Friday!

   I always pull my shirt over my entire head when I get pulled over because cops tend to have sympathy for drivers who don't even have a head.

   How exactly does Al Queda recruit for terrorists? "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" "Ummm....Dead?" "Good answer!"

   Black Friday... Where the difference between "in line" and "on-line" is about 3 1/2 hours.

   Great Black Friday deal!!! : Sleep..... $0

   Please tell me there is not a game of naming one thing you want from now til Christmas

   feels great today....yesterday to combat the Tryptophan drowsiness he marinated his turkey in red-bull!

   WARNING: Ask your doctor if updating your status as often as I do is right for you...

   feels like Simba in Lion King, you know that part where he's stuck in the stampede, and his dad dies saving him, but then later he meets Timon and Pumbaa... f*ck black friday I'm going home to watch Lion King."

   Just Googled camel toe, and it said, did you mean Travolta Chin?

   Black Friday is when Kim Kardashian shops for a new husband.

   I'm proud of every woman I've ever had sex with. I don't regret any of you.