Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Facebook needs these 3 buttons: “Dislike”, “Who cares”, “Are you an idiot?”

   LIKE if you reply ”LMFAO” ”ROFL” “LOL” and you're clearly just sitting there emotionless as a robot.

   I wonder if people, who actually think they can danceq.. Have ever watched themselves dance in front of the mirror naked... I bet their minds would change in a heartbeat!

   Facebook needs a “remove from existence” button. That way I don't have to see their posts on mutual friends' walls, and I can just forget that they even exist

   Dear Vegetarians, you're not doing us any favors, all your doing is eating our food supply. Sincerely, Starving Animals.

   I remmeber last year at christmas my ex girlfriend was so pissed that I gave her mother a mustache trimmer.

   Man are like BLUETOOTH, he is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away. And women are like WI-FI, she sees all available devices but connects to the strongest one.

   Hamburger Helper only works when the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.

   If you ran as much as your mouth did, you'd be in great shape...

   I love to use the holidays as an excuse to gift, re-gift and de-gift meaningless merchandise.....I wonder if that would qualify me as an "Indian Gifter"? ツ

   good girls may go to heaven but bad girls take you there

   It's a good thing it's not really like the bees, otherwise men would die shortly after sticking it in.

   I just killed a spider with my shoe. I don't care how big spiders are but no one steals my f*cking shoes!

   If the colts go 0 and 14 should we rest are starters for the playoffs?

   What would you call a lesbian with thick fingers? Well hung

   as now kim kardashian has decided to end her marriage, my earnest request to her to release her new se*tape to support last version and to keep going the process well.

   now I don't care about not having a girlfriend. Siri listens to all of my needs!

   In a party, handsome guy approached a girl and asked her "r you goin 2 dance?" Girl felt so happy and said,"YES" The guy said-"thats good . . . . . can I have your chair?"

   No one calls you at 3am "Just to talk"

   When I told her she had the "Body of a Lane Bryant model", I meant it in a good way!