Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Childbirth is nothing compared to walking through tall grass with sh!tty a$$ Pokémon.

   Studying: The act of texting, eating, and watching TV with an open textbook nearby

   i like to scare girls a bit by telling them"We are going to meet my parents" on the first date.

   Halloween isn't really that different than any other day.. everyone's still pretending to be someone or something their not.

   If I wave at you, you better wave back and not make me look stupid!

   everybody is always the same thing for Halloween...drunk as sh*t

   I don't know what's more awkward, Answering Dora, Or sitting there in total silence while she stares at you..

   I hate it when someone else buys the things I mentally claimed

   Taking a test at school: My answer is Yes. If yes please explain...my answer is No

   Whoever said “nothing is impossible” has obviously never seen me doing nothing.

   I'm about to yell inside an envelope!....voice mail..b*tch

   Changing a whole text because you didn't know how to spell one word.

   going to murder the most awesomest person alive, but that would be suicide

   Judge: "Wen did you realised you hv been raped?" Prostitute: "When the cheque bounced"

   Saw a baby wearing a bib which read "This dumb ass put my cape on backwards"

   Sometimes you have to look back to see just how far you HAVE come. Dont dwell on the past. Things and people move into the past for a reason and do not make it into your present and future for a reason. You look back to gain perspective, not to gain doubt

   My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section

   Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home. *Boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that? Boy: Me, I`m going home

   I wish my gps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

   What everyone hates to look out there window and see.... White