Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hosting a little family dinner party tomorrow. Do you think 1 box of Cheerios will be enough for 6 people?

   I heard that girls like it when I play hard to get, So I've locked myself in my apartment & turned off my phone. Now, I wait.

   Today I heard the band Queen is holding auditions for a lead singer via youtube. I was gonna audition but I look ridiculous in a leotard.

   If you don't have anything nice to say... Put it on twitter

   Good to have a blind friend,,if you fart just plug your nose and point and nod.

   Sometimes a married man needs to cheat just to break the monogamy.

   The only thing I can truly count on in life is a calculator.

   Don't make decisions when your angry or horny =P

   Definition of bravery: Trying to fart when you have diarrhea.

   "I don't want anyone to know I'm the one who said this" - Anonymous

   Blah Blah Blah can you Blah Blah Blah . Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah . I need you to Blah Blah Blah . I think my wife is talking to me

   If you having spell problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a witch aint one!!! >:(

   been running up to strangers, tapping them shouting "YOUR IT!" and running away.

   One day, your life will flash b4 your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

   Wow...Im sittin at work watchin the snow fall... Its friggin October! Mother Nature must of finally hit menopause.. That fridgid b!tch made it snow!! Bring fall back!!!

   you know it's holiday time when you see a charlie brown special on tv

   You made me laugh so hard, tears ran down my leg.

   If you're horny and you know it, use your hands.

   Love is just a chapter in a guy`s life.. But to girls ? It's the whole book.

   "Cool, I love candles. What's with the knives? Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin