Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Some relationships in life are like fat people, they don't work out.

   The only way to kill a mime is to shoot it with blanks.

   Why fat people like chips chocolate and fast food ..it makes them HAPPY..!!!

   Men in my family don't talk about our underwear. We're the thong silent type.

   People in relationships are usually can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.

   Just before I die I'm going to get my hand stamped in case I want to come back in again.

   I wonder if Foosball tables look like shish kabob buffets to a cannibal.

   A creepy bug crawled into my taco and now I know why women hate spiders.

   People in relationships are usually okay with cold weather because they can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.

   Dear Facebook... How can I be near the town I'm already in?!.....Near Stfu!

   Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!!

   Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?

   ladies when a guy changes his status on facebook from single to in a relationship..say congratulations which hand is it this time? Right or Left

   What's with all the relationship post?! This ain't Dr.Phil! Be Funny..or Be out!

   Sooo.. In between Mundane Monday.. And Whip'em Out Wednesday.. I now proclaim today as.."Touch ur Toes Tuesday!" Because people are just so eager to F*ck you every chance they can get!

   UK Secret Intelligence Service (aka MI6). They have their own website with the usual "About Us", "Our Strategy", Our Values" etc... Sorry, but am I missing something here? :-s

   About half of you, I don't get ...and the other half, I don't care to.

   Black guys from other countries aren't really "Black Guys"

   Billy the kid was so mean, he once shot a man for snoring, Me? I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

   I think Fruit Loops are just Gay Cheerio's.