Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Most women conveniently forget their past, because they don't want to recall how many boyfriends they had.

   Ladies: Your face is not a coloring book, so please go easy on the makeup.

   Nothing's louder than a quiet bathroom when you have diarrhoea.

   This girl came up to me and said she recognized me from vegetarian club. I think she was mistaken. I'd never met herbivore.

   I'll always keep you on my left because I know you ain't right.

   i told facebook what was on my mind one day .. they had to reconstruct the whole page ... :'(

   Irony of a woman – she spends hours putting on makeup, exotic perfume, expensive jewellery and outfit but when people finally look at her the first thing they say, "Wow nice a$$"

   If you whistle while you work, your enjoying work way to much!

   I Had a dream of you! You were drowning and I could not save you. All of a sudden God appeared and said, Fear not my child, crap floats!

   I'm gonna be your murder consultant. Motherfucker Jones. How'd you get the nickname Motherfucker? When I was a kid I snuck into my mother's bedroom. I've heard enough. I snuck up behind her and then slipped my fingersinto her purse. Purse, he said purse.

   Mayonnaise is now the largest ethnic group in the southern United States.

   Me seek revenge? Nah, I'm too lazy. I'm just gonna sit here and let karma get you.

   the best parties is the ones you dont remember

   E HARMONY : I am looking for a women that never has time to do anything with me ,,must like hockey and loves to cook..do laundry and clean shaven,,thanx

   Only your iphone knows who cheats

   standing outside with his pants down waiting for google earth to come take his picture.

   Time travel:: like if you think it be cooler to go back in time..thu-mb down if travel into the future..???

   I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke...?

   Whoever decided to name this Halloween candy "fun" size is not someone I would care to party with. Just saying.......

   Ad on side of Facebook: "Interested in a masters in Philosophy?". A degree in philosophy is about as useful as a condom in Susan Boyle's bedside drawer. No thank you.