Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   what does pink floyd and dale earnhart have in common? their last hit was the wall

   silence produce the best answer to a stupid question..

   You can't buy love.."That's called prostitution"

   Do you think the employee dicount at a Dollar General Store is,"Here, just Take it."?

   Shagged this model who works for Abercrombie & Fitch last night... She was amazing, them new mannequins are so realistic!

   That moment when you hit the submit button and realize you just misspelled a word you went over 100x's with your 7 yr. olds spelling words.

   Ay, were dudes it's Sunday and our teams are playing, were gonna talk about football, you wanna make a good wife one day then get used to it

   hey were dudes it's Sunday and our teams are playing, were gonna talk about football, you wanna make a good wife one day then get used to it

   There is Waaay to much stuff moving around on Facebook! My ADD is definately getting the best of me now!

   Just saw the neighbor's little kid trying to put some whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to

   When you're stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, and sweets. Why? Because STRESSED spelled backwards spells DESSERTS. ;)

   If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment? ;)

   Brass Monkey - That funky Monkey Brass Monkey - Junkie That funky Monkey. That's funny, right? No? Dang.

   "Monday" like Jerry Seinfeld says "Newman!"

   I love when you go down on me! you relieve so much stress and tension but when I feel it getting good you go back up.... DAMN GAS PRICES!

   Who else puts LOL or LMAO or ROFL knowing good and damn well your sitting there with a straight face

   Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money

   My wife says I'm too nosey... at least, that's what she wrote in her diary.

   I am dark and handsome. When it's dark, I'm handsome.

   Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom