Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Imagine living with 3 wives and never leaving the house for 5 years... I think Osama called the US Navy Seals himself

   What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

   walking along smiling to myself with the autumn sunshine,warming my face, kicking the golden leaves like in my childhood... WTF clean up after your god damn dogs! mutha f***ers!!!!!!

   All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts

   you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again? well,the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.....

   Don't really care too much about the new fb update but is there a way to "subscribe" to positive only updates? Filter out the complainers, negative-nancys, shoe-taggers, and crybabies?

   If something goes without saying, why mention it?

   Gays wear their boxes on backwards for easy access.

   Some guy says to his teenage daughter “There are two words I'd like you to drop from your vocabulary. One is ‘awesome' and the other is ‘gross'.” “Okay,” she says, “what are they?”

   Oh great....I just heard a satellite the size of a bus is expected to crash somewhere on earth tomorrow. Wear a hat!!

   FYI - Tomorrow is Hard Hat Friday......

   This is your status on the old FB. ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ʍǝu ǝɥʇ uo snʇɐʇs ɹnoʎ sı sıɥʇ....Any questions?

   if only I could lose weight as fast as I lose money

   Say what you want... Yes we all love Facebook.... And we can complain if we want... If it wasn't for us FB users that are complaining... It would just be another My(waste of)space... And FYI... The advertising pays the bills....

   Something about the person(s) telling me to quit complaining about making some guy I've never met rich from my "free" social activities, makes me want to sock someone in the neck.

   I never got the expression "complete idiot". Ermm....Is there an Incomplete version?

   Please everyone..don't forget to let everyone know when you take a crap. Facebook wants us to know EVERYTHING about each other :/

   changed my relationship with Facebook to "Its complicated"

   Holding ALT and pressing F4 will fix all of your facebook problems...Your Welcome :)

   How many women with PMS does it take to change a lightbulb? Seven. Why? COS IT JUST DOES OKAY......!!!!!!!!