Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The human race as a species is done. People are actually thinking Nicolas Cage is a vampire. Hooray for civilization.

   Just got fired from SuperCuts for suggesting we change our name to 'Shut the hell up. You're at the Mall. What did you Expect?''

   What is it about stupid people that makes them think they are ALWAYS right, without exception?

   Visiting your extremely religious Grandma can be a day full of uncomfortable feelings and guilt. This is because Grandma has a little Dogma that's obsessed with chasing after everyone elses Karma.

   Boy, the way that guy whines about stuff is hot. Said no woman ever.

   Remember, they're laughing with you, not at you. They're only pointing at you so you know who they're laughing with.

   I used to think that there was this huge difference between Clowns and Mimes. But actually they all scream the same kinds of things at you when you spray them with Pepper Spray.

   When I was a boy all I ever wanted was super sized tree house and a Jetson style Jetpack. But then my desires became more grown up over the years and now all I want is some dancing Hamsters from the Kia Soul commercials

   Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.

   If my Grandad were alive and on FB he'd be posting the same 9 or 10 stories over and over and as much as that would drive me crazy I would give anything to see his smile and "like" his posts today.

   I will NEVER understand Twitter..Wtf is a tweet?! I'll Stick with My Facebook.. So take your #sign an Shove it up ur a$$!

   Dear Eminem, Not only did you steal our name but we're both black on the inside too. Sincerly, M&M'S

   Reading someone's status and thinking ‘OH CRY ME A RIVER'

   Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle

   Of course you can trust the government. Just ask a Native American how that worked out.

   Every time I lose my phone, it's always on either silent or vibrate. How convenient…

   OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you can't text me back?

   Omg.. Now they have cars you can plug into the wall.. Greeeaaat.. Just can't wait to hear.. "Goin shopping.. remind me to plug my car in.."

   Milky way is Snicker's nutless gay little brother.

   sharing is caring, but I don't care